Bali: the stranger that gave me 10 dollars

---This article is dedicated to Ooi Eng Wah, for his kindness 3 years ago in Bali.

3 years ago, I flew to Bali, Indonesia, to attend the 4th Meeting of the High Level Panel of Eminent Persons on the Post-2015 Development Agenda as a youth representative and delivered a speech to present the "North-East Asian Youth Declaration on the World We Want". That was 2013 when I was trusted as part of the youth stakeholder group, but hardly know enough to be qualified as a representative. I was more of a leaner than a contributor, more of a taker than a giver. I took away from the conference a vague but determined aspiration to divert my future endeavours to international development.

3 years later, I found myself at the post-2015 era and the international community has engraved the 2030 Agenda on its horizon. As I embarked on my way to further my studies on public policy and international development 3 years ago, I was quite sure that I would figure out a uniformed answer to all perplexing questions: on how to push forward economic development in underdevelppmeng regions, on how to empower the bottom billion, on how to structure international aid in a way that doesn't crowd out industrious spirit of the beneficiaries...The training at Oxford was intensive. Hardly any day passed without challenges. I was inspirted to dive beyond the surface of development issues and explore their entangled strings in a probing way. The day I wrote my last exam in the Examinations School in my formal gown, just as what scholars did in the past hundreds of years, my hand nearly cramped of writing for 3 consecutive hours without rest.

When I stepped out of the examination chamber, sun shone into my eyes so brightly. The air surrounding me was exploding with flowers, ribbons and champagne. As I waved bye to the classroom and set my hands on real-world issues at development institutions, there were only more problems to be solved as days went on. I was for sure no longer the "girl of terminologies" in delivering speeches, but working days could be depressing when a solution to a problem for the hope of improving well-being of a social group ended up being aborted with insufficient implementing capability, or igniting other new complications, or was concluded without much monitoring on its real impact. There were justment calls and it was hard to choose. International development can be a sell-contending business. If motivation cannot be drawn from positive impact continuously in times of frustration and disappointment, then where does is come from?

Altruism, I would say. As a concept, it is heavily doubted. As rational person, or a "Homo oeconomicus", is not supposed to go an extra step to help others out of sheer kindness without any expectation of return of benefits. From my observation, it is altruism that pops up the ideal to opt for a career in development that usually sacrifices economic gains and personal life due to its mobilicy nature. Not just my own belief in altruism, but also cases of altruism I witnessed and experienced day in and day out serve as my source of motivation. What others have done for me has been transformed into what I want to do for others. Indeed, the concept of "no benefit" or "no return" might be self-conflicting if "psychological gratification" is counted as a form of return when altruism is performed. Personal gratification is abstract but real. Yet, it might not be a conscious calculation when altruistic acts are performed.

My Bali trip ended with an unusual note of altruism. Years later, details of the trip have been blurred, but the story was stuck with me. The last night before my return flight, I splurged in a souvenir shop and paid with all the Indonesian rupiah I was left with. I was very contented with my calculation capability: no single rupiah was wasted. With my economic "talent", I also saved myself the trouble of currency exchanges.

The minute I stepped out of the store with a plastic bag filled with soaps, essential oil and tea gifts, I realized that I had no money left to take a taxi to the airport the next morning. 3 years ago, I took all my money as bank notes and I had no credit card. Neither could I use my Chinese debit card to withdraw any money in Bali. A second later, I began my self-rescue by negotiating with the lady at the cashier to return some souvenirs for exchange of money.

I was an unexpectedly hard negotiation. The lady was just feeling victoriously satisfied to stuff in her pocket some more bank notes at the end of a long day, and frowned at my request. There was no way to spit out candies that had already been swallowed. She was trying to chase me away by ignoring me, looking elsewhere, pretending to counting her goods. With no one to turn to, I had no choice but bothering her and hoped that her heart might soften. The strategy failed obviously as the lure of money was worth the bother. A long time passed and she was determined. I was helpless and I began to bother myself by repetition.

A man walked his way out of the store. We exchanged a glance as I saw him passing by. He hesitated for a second before stepping out. I continued my hopeless negotiation. He didn't leave. He looked back at the counter where I was deadlocked with the iron lady holding a jar of tea worth of ten dollars, the exact amount I need to take me to the airport.

"Are you all right? What happened?"

I explained briefly. I was no longer able to provide the full story after the "battle" of frustration, worry and self-blame. He opened his purse right away and handed me the money.

I was shocked. Out of expectation, a stranger offered his help. I was lost of words to thank him. The moment felt like hearing the sound of a crystal clear stream when I was almost thirsting to death in a desert. At that moment, he was a man of warm glow in my eyes. His act of altruism was so sincere that 3 years' later, I still remember his grey-and-white checked shirt.

There are many things that I'm not entirely sure about, but I feel convinced that I am a lucky person, being the recipient of altruistic acts for countless times. I was sent to hospital after a mid-night car accident by someone who left before I was back from terror to say thanks. My junior school fee was covered by a Korean gentleman who donated anonymously when my family was financially challenged. It was hard for me to understand where altruism derived from in the beginning. When I gradually understand in all my lucky days, I found myself holding up an ideal to magnify it as much as I can.

Unlike Marcle Mauss who believed that the morality of gift is a principle of justice, I never thought generosity was an obligation. Altruism is rather, in everyday life, a form of warming glow that emanate from one person to another; and in international development career, a flow of energy that motivated development professionals to act for the welfare of others.

#Asia #Bali